My Name in Binary

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Valentine's Day, its ALL about RECYCLING!!!

So I wrote this column in 2005, but it still holds true so I am actually recycling it in honor of tomorrow:

The Commercial Holiday Known as Valentine's Day

I hate Valentine's Day. Its not because I don't have a date on it. I hate Valentine's Day for the same reason why I hate orange at Halloween time, red and green at Christmas and bunnies and duckies around Easter. The holiday has become a big commercial. I am supposed to feel bad because I don't have a guy in my life who is willing to take me out to dinner on a Tuesday night, or give me some trinket or dooh-dad.

Even when I have had a guy in my life, I hide from the holiday. It implies expectations and committments. I have no desire to honor a day also known for a massacre in Chicago.

This year, I actually had a lot of fun on Valentine's Day. I studied until 9pm, and then realized I was hungry. I wanted food, but had nothing in the house I didn't have to cook. I made the mistake of thinking it was just a Tuesday night, so I headed out to a restaurant. I went to Chilis. I usually hate going there, but on a Tuesday night its usually dead. I never knew that people went to Chilis for Valentine's Day. There was a 45 minute wait for a table.

Luckily there was a seat at the bar. I sat at the bar, had a beer, ordered food and watched the couples. They were all lovey-dovey and they were fighting with each other. The bartenders were hysterically funny. I watched the single guys trying to hit on them and enjoyed it. It was a great experience. It was so good, I may go back to Chili's next year and sit at the bar for Valentine's Day.

There Should be NO Surprises Here...

Which Buffy the Vampire Slayer Character Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

And then I took it again and I got:

Which Buffy the Vampire Slayer Character Are You?

Created by BuddyTV

Please Help Find My Friend's Son

My friends Stephen and Jocelyn are frantically trying to contact their son Jaliek Rainwalker. Below please find a picture of Jaliek and a message from the Missing Poster. Jaliek is a special boy whose family misses him a lot. It is my hope that by putting this information on this blog, someone may see it and pass it on, and he will be found.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

$20,000 Reward
(until January 31, 2008)



For information which leads to the return of
Jaliek (Jay) Rainwalker.
Jaliek is a 5’6”, 105 lbs, bi-racial, 12 year old boy
with green eyes and light brown curly hair.
518-692-9332
Jaliek- contact 1-800-Runaway for free help. We love you, Mama and Papa

My Daemon

I haven't seen The Golden Compass yet, but I did go to the website and created my own personal Daemon. After reading the books I could not resist. So, is it me?

Whenever I Think I Need A Clone

I should remember this video:





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTtxTvfGUwI

Gotta Stop....

I have to stop posting stuff on here when I'm on a self-pity trip. It does me no good whatsoever. I am not going to fall apart because of something that happened a dozen years ago. I will be happy to have what I have, and content to deal with myself as I am. I'm not the same person I was 12 years ago, and I am much happier than I was then. I just wish I had a bit more time to sleep, since my self-pity trips come on whenever I haven't slept enough.

How Much Apathy Must We Experience?

I found a cell phone the other day, sitting by the bus stop on campus. I picked it up and looked for a name, and a contact number inside of it. I looked, knowing that if I called someone, I would have to deliver the phone to them, debating with myself, should I bother getting involved. I didn't want to get involved. I didn't have time to get involved. I wanted to be the person who did not get involved. I kept thinking about the number of hours of work I had to do, and how I was already behind with stuff that I needed to accomplish. I could not take on another thing. And so, I left the phone sitting on the bench. I feel bad about that. In the past, I would have called someone on the phone, I would have tracked down the owner, and I would have made their night. Instead all I was thinking was how much time this was taking away from my life.

I am thinking about this and that abandoned cell phone, because I recently reconnected with an old friend, who distanced herself from me when I needed her. She did it because my life was no longer convenient and she needed to concentrate on herself. I understood why she did it, but it hurt back when she did. Now, several years later, she is back in my life just a little and I wonder, is she still as apathetic as she was a decade ago? I want to ask her that, and ask her why she gave up on me when I needed her friendship, but I don't know how to sit her down and ask the question. I don't know how to tell her I missed her, thought of her and hoped she was well once she disappeared from my life.

I know this sounds like self-pity and I'm afraid it is. Part of me is comparing our friendship to a cell phone left at a bus stop, but then I wonder, if the owner found me now and asked me why I didn't rescue his phone, what would I say? I was too busy, I was too tired, I didn't want to expend energy. I was too worried about myself to care. I expect those would be the answers I would get from my friend if I asked her the questions. So instead I'll just smile and be happy to have her peripherally in my life. I won't let her closer than that, because I don't want to lose the part of me that trusted her again.